Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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