how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize