No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
