At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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