strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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