I think I won the penis lottery.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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