Umm I'm too high to move.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
