And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
