its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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