Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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