I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
