I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
