it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
