the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
