I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
