I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
