i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
