There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize