happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what day is it and did you see me today?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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