I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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