I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
