At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
