found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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