i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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