Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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