Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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