Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
