yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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