im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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