***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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