i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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