i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
