Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
