Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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