If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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