idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
