Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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