was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
