i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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