Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
