One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize