I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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