I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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