I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
