can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
