fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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