We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
