Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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