I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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