i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
