We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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