I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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