i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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