he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
