I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
