yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
