At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize