It's just like the Real World with babies
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
