U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
