My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I enjoy the company of your penis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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