Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
