when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
