He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
