Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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