Where did you get a picture of my penis
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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