Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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