my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
