I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
