There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
