Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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