my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
