There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
