she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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