i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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