What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize