and you said cock pushups were impossible
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
