btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
