we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize