idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
