There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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