I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I AM VODKA MAN
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
