Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
