It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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