I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
