I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I believe in your delicious
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
