I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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