i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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